Let me be clear: I don’t encourage stealing. I am not raising my kids to be criminals and I think it’s bad luck to steal, aside from just plain unethical. BUT, I did experience some inkling of pleasure when I learned that people are stealing our Wine Thermals.
That’s not to say I approve. They are stealing from our clients and I find no pleasure in that, but I do like the idea that people like them so much they will, it seems, go to great lengths to get one of their own.
And when you think about it, they really are taking extreme measures. Have you ever picked up one of our thermals? They are HEAVY. They’re concrete, for Pete’s sake. Their heft is part of why they work and the bonus of that is how well they protect a bottle of wine from being tipped over—but you better watch your toes if you are running away with one crammed under your arm.
This whole scenario really begs the question: How does one steal a Wine Thermal from a busy restaurant, anyway? It’s not like you can shove it under your shirt and walk out the door. Can you? I tried it the other day and it looked like I was about to give birth to an alien. Maybe that look is popular (and acceptable) these days. Remember that trend where people were having their ears surgically altered to look pointy?
There’s always the purse, I suppose. But, it would have to be a BIG purse. I know they exist. I have a friend who makes a purse called, The Kitchen Sink because it will fit most everything but the kitchen sink in it. I’m going to ask her to create a new line called, Thermal Theft. She’s going to have to give the straps extra reinforcement. Which leads me to the greater threat—of bodily harm: if women are really putting our thermals in their purses, they might have to make a visit to the chiropractor the next day.
Perhaps when restaurants are training their servers about the use of our Wine Thermals, they can include a section about how to recognize a theft in progress:
1) There is an empty, lonely-looking, naked bottle on the table.
2) The table is in disarray: napkins are strewn about, the dessert is half-eaten and a chair has been tipped over.
3) The woman in the party is almost out the door, but she appears to be limping and leaning to the right—both her hands supporting her purse straps on her shoulder. The hem of her skirt has gotten cinched up and appears to be pinned between her purse and her hip.
I’m flattered that people like my Wine Thermals so much and I like to marvel at the ingenuity of people when they decide they really want something—but I honestly wish it were for the greater good. Good wine and good service should not make good thieves, but good customers.
So, if you steal a wine thermal, I hope you break a toe and your wine is spoiled.
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